(The book table-or what we’ve been tossing around lately)
Shit, I think I’m going to have to unschool. I know, I know, it sounds harsh (if you happen to be my aunt or cousin or mom) or it sounds obvious (if you happen to be one of my unschooling friends or readers). To me it sounds like the relieving sucking sound that goop makes when it leaves its container-schthwack!!!!
For the past 3 days I’ve been walking around in this sort of secret daze, stunned and awed and quaking at the sight of our fall schedule. Each day has these, these things written down that just have to be done, depending on who you are in the family. Let me give you a sample, so you get the picture:
Wednesday-the day of perpetual agony for the past 4 years-
Starts out quietly, unlike Monday and Tuesday we don’t have to be out the door by 10am with lunches in tow. But at 2 we will have to be in a nearby suburb for a science class that takes an hour. At 4:30, there is choir which runs unitl 5:30, but gymnastics starts at 5pm and goes until 8pm. At 5pm also is a swim class and an exercise class (for the ones not doing gymnastics) We’d get home at about 8:30pm with no dinner in us. 8pm is Li’s bedtime. Plus, we’d have to chose between choir and gymnastics obviously.
You can see I haven’t worked out the kinks yet. And every day is like this, but most have things from about 10 until 12, then on again at 2 or 3, then at 5 or 6. Now, to me that looks grueling and horrible with no downtime and much running to and fro. Sooooo…..we have to draft up a big copy of everything we want to do, make a list of priorities and start crossing stuff out I guess. And last night, I was doing a sample priority list and the thought popped into my head that the co-op science classes, girl scouts, book club, history club, gymnastics team, karate lessons and so on pretty much added up to a curriculum in itself and if I wanted some wiggle room in my schedule I could just stop trying to cram in morning desk work. Ken says that is throwing out the baby with the bathwater. I think it is just throwing out all of the bathwater. The baby might get pruny or crawl out of the tub. But the truth is, every year my complex plans devolve in to raw unschooling anyway as our busy lives consume us and we let things slide. This “too much to do” schedule is an annual issue, and I end up stressed and angry and guilty because we can’t do it all. I feel like a glorified, underpaid chaperone who doesn’t even have time to explore her own interests. And I just know if I do it for one more year I will burn the heck out in a blaze of glory.
And no one wants to give any of it up. I mean, I’ll be darned if I’m stopping tai chi, it is my only moment of the week where I’m not doing kid stuff. Li feels similarly about karate, hey, he needs a sport. Fi seems to think likewise of gymnastics. Ken too; he is very fond of dinner and insists we eat it. No matter how we break it down, most things seem like important opportunities to grow and socialize.
I think all I needed was a paradigm shift (and about a 30% activity reduction, which we’re working on) and things improved. Instead of feeling guilty and behind, I’ll have time for morning yoga, blogging and time to chop up the veggies for the crockpot because we won’t be home until 8pm! This time I won’t have to read poetry while doing it, unless they ask me to. But mostly I don’t want to spend my time yelling at the kids to get ready,hurry up, we’re late. Ugh. That cuts back on family love vibes big time. Maybe admitting that we are unschoolers or are becoming unschoolers won’t solve our too hurried lifestyles, but it will give me the perspective and freedom to concentrate on improving it, rather than feeling guilty.
I know, there are those among you who are saying “Duh!” and those who say “Copout!” Okay, you are entitled to your comments. But for me, this is just the truth. I have been an unschooler in spirit since day one, working on a spectrum of homeschooling towards it and I knew all along it was our goal, but felt with my kids’ “learning styles” (ie, avoid anything vaguely bookish and play all day long) that I needed to squeeze in the basics the first few years. I had hoped to “be there” by middle school for them. Usually, I could bounce my thoughts off of loved ones, but as I mentioned, most people I know have strong ideas about unschooling and I feared they would just council me to do whatever their strong ideas supported. Whereas I wanted someone who would listen to what insanity I had to say, then help me think it through. So, fortunately for me last night, I sat one the porch of a wonderful unschooling mom I know who knows my struggles with these concepts. She listened to my schedule laments, and stressed that I should have one inviolable day where we go nowhere. When I mentioned the unschool this year plan, she didn’t say “Duh!” she just said “Why not try it for the fall? It is only 8 weeks. See how it goes.” That is exactly how I started homeschooling in the first place, on a trial basis, 6 years ago. Some people come blazing in full of conviction, and some people have to sneak in sideways on a loophole. It doesn’t mean we’re less commited, it just means we have complex rituals to force ourselves to let go of power. Thanks for listening.
I guess this is the part where you tell me you always knew and you love me no matter what. Or else you disown me in disgust (a rare outcome I’ll admit). Then we all cry and embrace and I walk around feeling taller and proud for a few days. Thanks!
13 responses so far ↓
1 Christine // Aug 8, 2006 at 10:52 am
You go girl! I think you’ll do fine with totally unschooling. Now, if I could just convince myself of that…
2 JoVE // Aug 8, 2006 at 3:03 pm
I’m like you and like a trial period. So go for that. AND the one inviolate day when you don’t go anywhere. I only have one kid and we started listing the ‘out of the house’ stuff the other day and the end of the week is starting to look a bit nuts.
But whatever you decide about unschooling, do make sure you count all that out of the house stuff appropriately.
3 Andrea // Aug 9, 2006 at 6:14 am
Heh. Well, judging by the entry, you already know all the stuff I’d say.
For the overscheduling, they alreayd know the one thing they can’t give up, why not have just two things for each?
4 hornblower // Aug 9, 2006 at 1:36 pm
“not quite relaxed enough to be unschoolers, yet not quite organized to be school-at-homers”
I guess you’re relaxed enough now!
I agree with giving it a try & seeing how it goes. It’s not something that worked for us & ultimately I made the decision that there were no outside activities before 12 pm & 1pm is even better. Also, I keep it to 3 days/week max. But I think it’s something that needs constant tweaking and adjusting.
Oh, and the great difficulty in this lies in trusting the children. They may not ever choose to pick up those books or skills on their own….the only way to not lose sanity is to completely ditch the expectation of anything. Otherwise, deep down you’ll still be expecting that the work will get done but that it will somehow magically get done, without any impetus from you. That does happen (once in a while…..) but don’t count on it. If that deep down expectation is still there then frankly I think it’s more honest to yourself and to the children to say so and to create the parameters and the schedule to help them make it happen.
My hs community is very unschooly and we’ve been hashing these issues out for almost 10 years….. it’s why I ditched unschooling - because my children were not child prodigies (a la And the Skylark Sings with Me) and I DO have expectations….. It was a recipe for disaster.
5 Wini // Aug 10, 2006 at 2:15 pm
I just have one thing to say:
Chicago Unschoolers Workshop
Sat., Sept. 9, 8:30am to 5:00pm
Portage Park Center for the Arts
5801 W. Dakin (near Austin & Irving Park)
$40 includes continental breakfast and sandwich lunch. Plus, you can attend the “What is Unschooling?” Session led by yours truly. Or you can help me lead it!
6 Rebecca // Aug 10, 2006 at 4:07 pm
I came in via Lucie’s connecting page.
It’s funny how many folks I’ve come across struggling with this question–the eternal question in homeschooling it seems! How to balance what I want/need to get done with all of those fabulous outside activities? We’ve got co-op on Monday, German and art on Tuesday, Girl Scouts every other Wednesday, volunteering at the Colonial Farm on Thursdays, and a kindy group I run in my home on Fridays. That doesn’t even count in the five hours a week for ballet. Um, when am I supposed to work on school with my daughters??
So, we’re cutting back a bit. I’m trying to make it so that we’re home three mornings a week, and that when we’re home, we’re working. I went through the angst and came out the other side knowing that I’m not an unschooler, so now I have to do what I can to make the curriculum plans in my head come to life and (b) not fizzle out by February.
Hopefully your year will bring you peace. Go with it for a while and see what happens!
7 Lisa near Chicago // Aug 15, 2006 at 2:00 pm
You (and your kids) totally rock, and will find your way through to what works for you! It’s always all about evolving and changing, isn’t it?
Here’s to balance and non-burned-out mommies.
Have I mentioned that you guys are awesome?
8 kimmy // Aug 16, 2006 at 6:28 am
I have a few friends struggling with the EXACT same thing. I’m not sure why I’m not ….maybe because my children are 7 and 2?
One thing I know, I just CANNOT abide driving around everyday for hours on end. I mean, we’re HOME schooling. That just HAS to include a few days at home dag nabbit
From everything I’ve read here during the last few years; I know you’ll all do weel. I just know it.
Kimmy
9 Jeanne // Aug 17, 2006 at 9:43 pm
Well, my friends were the first ones who broke it to me that we (my family) were unschoolers. “We are?” I was in disbelief.
I’d like to break a few things to you that you already know. Unschooling does not mean Uneverything; therefore, it is not going to solve the overscheduling problem. Sigh. I wish. That problem has to be solved by plain old setting limits or prioritizing about what we/you/kids can do and live in reasonable enough shape to tell about it. (I told you I know you already know this). Unschoolers have just as much trouble with this as everyone else. (More? Maybe more. Maybe this is a clue that you are an unschooler).
And, unschooling doesn’t mean unscheduled. Our household is really structured, precisely because the kids and I have a lot of stuff we want to do. I EVEN schedule time that must remain unscheduled, so we have time to unschool! That is, certain mornings (usually mornings) remain unencumbered by commitments so we can just be/do/study/learn/walk/read/think/draw/play chess/veg out/play our instruments etc. If we’re always out at the library/store/museum/theater/continuing ed class, then we can’t do the other stuff.
As Mom, I am Protector of Time In General. The unschooling part is that I don’t try to schedule what the kids learn or when they learn it, but facilitate their learning as they progress/get new interests and so on. I do arrange for them stuff they want scheduled (music lessons, time with friends, scouts, soccer etc.) and help us decide as a family how many outside commitments work well for each of us - and *I* and my sanity count in that equation.
Hhhm. I’m an unschooler. My unschooling friends have told me this. What you are doing sounds like what I’m doing. Maybe you are — an unschooler already!
10 Kimzyn // Aug 18, 2006 at 7:49 am
I want to thank everyone for the comments here. It really interests me what advice and perspectives you all have and they have all made sense to me!
Jeanne, you’re right, we were already unschooling-all summer and most of the rest of time by default. I like the scheduled unstructured time.
Kimmy, I am sick of driving day and night. Having a few relaxing weeks of summer has really driven that home! Ha.
Lisa, thanks for the nice words.
Rebecca, the new mantra is balance.
Wini, I will be at the conference come heck or high water.
Hornblower, you are right, loosing expectations might be my downfall. I will have a hard time letting go.
Christine and Jove, believe me, I am counting the out of house stuff…even the conversation we had about solar power on the walk yesterday. Hey, spontaneous science rocks. I appreciate everyone’s support.
11 Ren // Sep 2, 2006 at 4:35 am
“(ie, avoid anything vaguely bookish and play all day long)”
There is a ton of learning in play…in fact, that’s how humans learn best. So maybe a slight shift in perspective is all that’s needed? If you value all of their activities and see the learning in play, maybe you won’t be worried about overscheduling. Trust that they can learn with or without all those outside activities and maybe choose to do the stuff that brings the most JOY.:)
Also, get to a Live and Learn conference. It might just be the dose of confidence that will help. Unschooling doesn’t mean you won’t be scheduling a bunch of activities, but at least the activities will be chosen for the sheer joy they bring into your lives, not because you fear your children will be missing anything.
12 dharmamama // Sep 8, 2006 at 6:29 am
Thanks for your post! I found it via the Unschooling Carnival. In some ways your journey is like mine … I looked at what I “should” be doing this year with my newly arrived 12 year old, looked honestly at myself, said “There’s no way THAT is going to happen,” and decided to go with my gut, which had been telling me all along that my younger kids were thriving with no instruction and would continue to thrive that way. I have watched with great pleasure as my daughter, who was completely bewildered by this thing called “homeschooling,” has started to fill her days with lots of interesting things.
13 Chris // May 18, 2007 at 9:39 am
Hallelujah sister! We started homeschooling in mid-November after taking our 7 y/o out of 1st grade. I quickly found myself re-creating school-at-home–which I clearly didn’t want. There was coercion, badgering, manipulation to try to “secretly” accomplish school-ish stuff. I was slowly learning about unschooling. Admittedly, I at first thought the idea of unschooling was crazy but really that’s because it was so new to me and I didn’t understand it. So here we are, a mere 7 months later, unschooling. I am giddy with excitement and terrified as we venture into this totally new way of living. My highly and traditionally educated in-laws are coming in a few weeks. Eeeeekkkkk!
Leave a Comment