(The elves I inherited from my grandmother.)

Well, the new Bitch is out, and she’s talking the talk about feminism and homeschooling. Seriously, the totally nice and unbitchy writer Maya Schenwar’s article addressing the topic of a new wave of radical, punk, unschooly feminists is out and yours truly is quoted in it. As is Sarah from Poppins Classical Academy and Nina Packenbush from Edgy-Catin’ Mama. In truth, lots of wonderful quotes were lifted from their brilliant brains. Whereas me, whenever people interview me, the one goofy sound-byte always emerges to haunt me for years.

Once, 15 years ago, I couldn’t walk around my small hometown without some vague acquaintance hissing “Sounds fishy to me!” in my ear because they saw my response to the Savings and Loan crisis in the local paper and that was the response I had given. It may be that I have finally surpassed myself this time. If you want to know what the new quote is that unschoolers and my family in particular will attach to me for the next 5 years at every opportunity, you’ll have to go to your local bookstore and demand a copy of Bitch magazine.

If you do, you’ll be treated to one of the first articles I’ve read about unschooling (and those who partake in it)that attempts to do more than define it and give a mere slice of life. And that my friend is well worth the $5.95 newstand price.

Another option is…

You could read all of the deep, intelligent things I had to say about unschooling and feminism (and how they overlap) here, in the unexpurgated interview. Which doesn’t include all of the things other people said in Maya’s interviews so you still should read the magazine. Maybe you’ll be so caught up in identifying with all of trueness and cool rays that I’m emitting that you won’t notice the goofy parts. If you don’t, I forgive you.

The unexpurgated interview:

What motivated your decision to homeschool? Have your motivations
changed since you started?

The motivation for homeschooling was just that my child could
receive an excellent teacher/student ratio and lots of enrichment
curriculum, ie field trips,etc…What I didn’t realize at the time
we started was that homeschooling would revolutionize the way I
saw the world and thought about it as well. I quickly discovered
that homeschooling, particularly unschooling, was much more than
an educational theory. It is a real lifestyle.

One of the ways it revolutionized my thinking was that it reminded me of my punk origins, my left leanings and so forth. It became clearer to me that the decision to homeschool my children was an extension of the same decisions I’d made my whole life. By educating her outside of “the system” I was rejecting institutions and embracing the DIY thinking that I found so much more empowering than following tradition for tradition’s sake. I had always felt that schools were giant machines when I was a kid and found it somewhat insulting the way many teachers treated students. I had plenty of positive school experiences over the years too, but what I found was that I focused so much on accomplishments and product that most of what I learned was just for the grades and kudos and not for me, therefor soon forgotten.

By choosing to homeschool the kids I was continuing with a simpler lifestyle, choosing the things that interest me and my family over consumer culture for example. We like to travel, to read, to have time with friends and family, to explore the arts and sciences and other cultures. These things are more important to us than having fancy clothes or two cars. So, we chose a one-income family lifestyle which means cutting corners and lots of creative ways to get by financially.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so, how does that outlook affect your approach to homeschooling?

I do consider myself a feminist. The first half year that we homeschooled I had a complete identity crisis over the matter. I had always worked, gone to school and raised a kid. Doing it all. At the time I knew that I was making a great decision but I couldn’t figure out how to square it with what I’d always considered my feminist sensibilities. How could I show my daughter how to be a strong independent woman when I was depending on someone else for an income, for example? On the opposite side of that spectrum, how could I send my children off to some anonymous school setting to be instructed for more hours of a day than I’d see them myself? Eventually, I realized that I was doing “either/or thinking”. I thought for example, that if I chose to take time off from a career to teach my kids, that I was not being a feminist. But the truth is that as a family, just like every family, we had to find out what works for whom at the time and adjusts it to all of our needs. Just as, if I was using a curriculum to teach my kids math, and it was too fast paced or archaic, I’d find one that fit their needs instead of plowing ahead with it. We as a family, found out that what worked for us was homeschooling and I discovered what I was teaching my young daughter was a feminism which was not exclusive of such important ideas as:

A family is a group that works as a team to help everyone get what they need. For example, my partner and I share housework and childcare activities. My children share in the chores. We don’t sit around timing everything to see who does more of what. That would be petty and not very conducive to having a fun time living and working together. Suffice it to say that we all chip in as needed. This seems fair and liberated to me. I know many homeschooling families where both parents work, either part or full time. In some families only one parent works and in others, one or both parents are entrepreneurs. I even know a few single moms who are homeschooling and running their own businesses. My point is that homeschooling your kids does not mean you sit around at home wearing an apron and hiding from the world.

The first wave of feminists were securing the right to vote, work and be treated as equals for all women so that women could chose the path they wanted to chose and not be forced on a narrow and traditional path in spite of their strengths and talents. The wonderful progress they made for women is appreciated by us all, and now, as a second wave feminist, I feel free to chose what to do and when to do it with my life.

Life is a series of phases and the childrearing phase can be accomplished with a career intact or with a parent at home. When the children are grown or if they choose to go to school another phase of life will begin and it is best to prepare for all phases such as save for college, work in a job you love, keep your skills sharp if you are not currently employed, save for retirement, etc…

Do the work that is most important in the world to you and you’ll love your job. There are plenty of important jobs in the world but I want my kids to know that while they are growing and learning, I want to be there with them. That doesn’t mean that other parents don’t also feel that way. It just means that this is how it works best for our family.

Are there ways that your kids circumvent certain gender norms, biases, and stereotypes since they’re not in the school system? How has being homeschooled shaped how they view their genders?

It is funny that you ask that question! I just had a conversation with my dad the other day, in which he gleefully reminded me that I had expectations along those lines. “I thought your children weren’t going to play with Barbies or toy weapons.” Something like that. I must have seemed naive to him back then. I surely tried not to press the stereotypical toys and ideas on them. I made sure they had equal access to toys and clothes of all types. I speak to them even now about the differences between the sexes and how minor they really are in my opinion. They certainly don’t feel limited by their genders. My daughter is an athlete and tremendously physical as well as artistic. I think the same is proving to be true for my son. I know they are both very outraged when they experience or witness sexism. I was a diehard tomboy in my childhood. My children definitely admire this in me, and are thrilled to play act duels with me or go kayaking but they are also equally happy when I bake them cookies. Their father is the bigger baker in the house though! Nevertheless, at the end of the day, my daughter likes to paint her fingernails and be a gymnast and my son likes karate and wearing tough looking armbands! I don’t think I encourage this but they lean that way and we don’t make a big deal about it, so I don’ t think they escape gender norms. Of course, it makes sense that they don’t. They live in a real community just like other kids. They play with children from many different backgrounds. They are in the real world as much as any kids and so they are subject to the same media influence as well as to peer expectations. In general, I’d say homeschooled kids are much more accepting of differences though. My kids and their friends can play just as happily with babies as with their age mates and teenagers. They also have good friends from both genders, which I hear is uncommon for kids their age.

Do you think there are common threads between the philosophy of unschooling and the philosophy(ies) of feminism? Please describe.

Yes, I think there is a common thread. Unschooling is about trusting a person-in this case a child- to take the path that suits them and their nature. I think feminism is also about having this freedom. There are so many places in the world where women aren’t able to follow their dreams and explore their talents. I think our society now treats children the way women used to be treated. They can’t be trusted to keep themselves safe, they don’t get a say in how things work or what happens to them. They have to be part of an institution in order to be protected. Now, of course, hopefully most families mediate that by gradually allowing children to have control over their lives. But I think the way we see children limits us and them. They are capable of great knowledge, artistic merit, wisdom and every other thing you can think of. True, their judgment is not as developed as ours in most cases, but I also think society takes advantage of that. Commercials for example, often prey on kids weaknesses. I’m not saying children don’t need adults. I am saying that I truly believe that one hundred years from now, people will be looking on our treatment of children in society as just as barbaric and limited as we now look upon the treatment of women and slaves a hundred and fifty year ago. This is an idea I share with my children and close friends, but I don’t think most people in the world would agree with it because I think they are so deeply immersed in the times and their lives that they don’t really examine where the mores and values they hold come from and if or how they could be adjusted.

How do you confront stereotypes about “stay-at-home moms”? How do
you respond to the assumption some feminists make that women
should always maintain work outside the home?

First, I try to remember that all people have assumptions and they may just be trying to adjust their understanding of what actually takes place. It can be exhausting, especially during the school year when on an average day we are likely to be asked by complete strangers several times a day why the kids aren’t in school. The truth is though, I think I fight the stereotypes by example. I only wear my apron ironically. Most days I am actively involved in my life and my kids. I do community service. I do part-time and freelance work. I volunteer for things. I have interests and projects outside of homeschooling and my kids. We are social and have friends from all walks of life. Just by living and participating in the world I think most people realize that I am just a normal person that spends a bit more of the day with my kids. If they don’t realize that, I am happy to discuss the matter, and if they still disagree I don’t really waste time worrying about it!

I respond to the “feminists always work” thought with the response, “Honey, you don’t know from work!” Okay, seriously, I have a job. Right now it may resemble a housewife-on-steroids job. My work is tremendously time consuming and it takes all of my energy to make it work. I also have to balance my own interests and needs. I take care of a lot of the domestic side. I educate my kids. I am active in my community. I am a writer and blogger. I could be teaching a classroom of kids, since that was what I was working to before kids. But it seemed so odd to me at the time to outsource my own kids so that I could teach other’s kids. Of course, since teaching my own I have had a million opportunities to informally teach other kids through our activities. I love kids and the work I’m doing at this point in my life is fulfilling and empowering. It doesn’t pay much, but if income was all feminism was based on, it would be a pretty poor philosophy. I suppose that last sentence would be my response.