(Remember when we used to do stuff together? Before you got all big-headed?)
Dear Homeschooling,
You’ve been good to us. So accommodating and thought provoking and full of surprises. Remember the fire ants in the kitchen? Or the water wheel we made that one time? Ooh, ooh, how about when we hatched praying mantis babies, or when we sketched stuff at the museum with the kids? That was cool. You’ve really allowed us to see how the kids tick, and I’m grateful for that, I really am. But still, there are times when you are a bit of a weight to haul around on my shoulders every day. Please, don’t take offense. I love you. You are more than just an educational choice to me and mine. I’ve said it before, you are a lifestyle. But really, technically, a “life” is a life and “you” are just a way to explain to the world that our lives don’t often include a chunk of time in a cinderblock building. That is an important job, Homeschooling, but lately you’ve been stepping out of bounds a little bit. I think this has a lot to do with how popular you’ve become lately. Everyone wants to hang out with you now because you are so cool, I get that. But don’t get too big for your britches and start demanding I keep up with your agenda. I mean, have you learned nothing from your friend Green lately? For years, a small dedicated portion of the population was focused on improving the world by living green and then their dream came true- all corporations people finally got the message that it is way profitable cool to be green. Well, then the old greeners sure didn’t get any special pat on the back or apologies for getting called weirdos all those times, did they? They just got called extreme greens (okay, I made that up) and now they have to start chaining themselves to trees to get any attention whatsoever since all of the office buildings in town have turned recycling from an alternative hip martyrish thing to do to a standard procedure. My point here is, when all the world loves you, don’t forget your old friends. It ain’t fair to expect them to take the heat for you and your fickle ways. Do you think you will be popular forever? You do? My you have a swollen head my friend. Educational theories are as thick as televised debates in this land and as soon as some new sociologist with 20 to 30 years of teaching experience slaps together a newer, sleeker methodology to capture the public’s eye, you are done for. Then where will you be? Nowhere without us.
As for homeschooling, Homeschooling, I don’t mean that we’re going to stop or anything. As long as we can continue to…
pay the bills and the kids still want to do this thing, I’m game. I just mean I’m tired of homeschooling/unschooling as a concept. I’m tired of waking up on a Sunday and seeing some huge spread in the weekend lifestyles section of the newspapers delving into this wacky concept of homeschooling and how 10 percent of the population is doing it. Weary of the way the photographer captures the children in their native habitats and all of us armchair anthropologists are supposed to be awed by the proof that children can play with siblings or read on their couch. I get it. You just want to send out a positive message to the media and folks who haven’t met anyone yet who homeschools. But do you really need all of that press or are you just a bit vain? In my experience, finding anyone left who doesn’t know someone who homeschools would be like finding someone who hasn’t met a left hander in their lifetime. There was a day when I’d get excited emails and calls from family and friends about you in the news but lately even my friends whose kids go to private or public school have been wearily reporting on your embarrassing gladhanding of the media. Yup. Another homeschooled kid is going to Harvard/won a spelling bee/is running their own megacorporation. Wahoo. Two points for you.
But may I ask why you feel the need to take the overachiever angle? Don’t you think you might be raising expectations a bit high as you step on our heads to reach the summit? Do you really think people like to hear about how brilliant you are? Don’t you know they snicker about you behind your back? ‘Oh, homeschooling is soooo superior. Homeschooling is in the gifted program. Homeschooling can spell onomatopoeia backwards!’ What about that time you told me it was okay if we didn’t have the times tables sealed up this year? You said everyone can go at their own pace, that was what was so great about you, you said. Reaching your own potential and all that bs. Were you mentally scratching us off of your go-to list for your Washington Post interview even as you soothed? You can’t have it both ways, Homeschool. You can’t be a friend of the working man and scratch the backs of the CEO’s all in one swoop. You are not Bill Clinton.
And you know, as much as I enjoy the company of my kids 24/7, I’m not so sure how I feel anymore about statements of awe regarding how I have the time, patience and money to luxuriate in your presence. Can’t these amazed onlookers see that this is not the case? I am time-crunched like the rest of us. The whole reason I am in the Jewel at 9:45am hastily grabbing flowers and premade cookies for some ceremony belies that. If there’s any money left over at the end of the month you wouldn’t know it by looking at my wardrobe. Patience is not really my forte either. Scratch the surface of my calm exterior and watch as my nostrils flare in response to my children’s usual store behavior. Put down the marshmallows, honey. Look out for the nice lady. You can’t eat ice chips out of the meat freezer. My patience is about half an inch from snapping and launching me in to a public diatribe that will result in the reversal of all household DS and Skype rights for up to a week. If they can’t see this, these fellow shoppers and townsfolk, it is either because they have left their glasses at home on the counter or because of you and your glory rants about the wonders of socialization and early academic successes. Yes, I think you’ve even gone to my kid’s heads a bit, turning them to your strange purpose as they happily tell people who aren’t even making eye contact about who they are and why they are there, just to see their own mother squirm out of another uncomfortable chat on testing and teaching certificates.
But it is not just the children you’ve brainwashed, Homeschooling. You’ve also got fellow homeschoolers towing the party line at every opportunity. Do you know how many unschooling information nights and homeschooling conference classes and homeschool support group meetings I’ve attended in your honor over the past seven years, just to hear you name uttered as if you were the hopeful democratic nominee for the presidency? Innumerable amounts! I stood there with the best of them, extolling your many virtues and minimizing your too few to mention flaws while my own children huddled hungry in the corner, reading novels and playing Pokemon with friends, rummaging for their lunches in the 50 bags I have to haul everywhere with me to meet your insane demands for edification, projects, experiments and strewing while not neglecting the area culture via frequent field trips.
It is just too much to ask of anyone, Homeschooling. Though I love you so, you will have to stop spending so much time in the limelight and preaching and come spend more time with us, at home or on the road while we just live our lives.
Yours always, BFF
Kim
25 responses so far ↓
1 Angela, MotherCrone // Apr 25, 2008 at 4:31 am
This is fabulous, and something we old-timers needed to hear. While I love that my kids and I are no longer defending our choice, I sometimes feel the raised brows now searching for their super-achiever potential. Excellent post!
2 Sunniemom // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:14 am
Great post- I have been thinking along the same lines lately, especially after receiving a boatload of articles from Google Alerts, reading all the ludicrous criticisms juxtaposed with oohs and aahs for homeschoolers who are accepted at Major Universities, and condescending offerings about how even Black People, Hispanics, and Single Moms are homeschooling too! Gee whiz whillakers golly gee!
I am ready for the media to just ignore home education for awhile. Maybe some poptart will go out in public without underwear and distract them for us.
3 Anne Dye // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:29 am
Thank You! That was awesome! As a formerly homeschooled child and a current unschooling parent of 3, I do not believe I could have said it better myself!!
4 Andrea // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:33 am
Oh AMEN to that one. I’m so weary of defending the whole entire movement, or trying to distill a complete lifestyle and attitude in 45 seconds.
5 Elizabeth // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:37 am
Beautiful. I found myself in a group of schooling moms last night and could have used some of your mojo.
6 Summer // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:36 am
Great post!
7 Poppins // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:26 am
Dear Life,
I know you are The Thing and all, but you need to deep breathe for a little while because I need way more time for my pal, my buddy, Homeschooling. Relationships take work, ok, and Homeschooling and I have been like two ships passing in the night for a leetle too long.
Thanks,
Sarah
8 Heidicrafts // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:37 am
And here I sit, about to send my little 8yo Ganoush to do field research regarding the social and educational habits of public school third graders.
Yep. She is certain that the grass is greener just across the creek where we can the the building where her *brother* *got to* attend public school for two years.
So she starts on Monday and will stick out the six remaining weeks (minus a graduation trip of three days). Then this summer, her parents will work with her to decide where she attends next fall. Today, she thinks she’ll return to the homeschool co-op. We’ll see in six weeks.
I’ve told her that I consider her akin to Jane Goodall studying chimpanzees.
She already has seen peer rejection and Queen Bee behaviors among neighbor kids. But in public school, you can’t “just walk away.”
P.S. Typo-finding is a blessed curse of mine. Why does the comments box legends ask for my “Neme?”
9 Principled Discovery » I’m not quite over homeschooling // Apr 26, 2008 at 12:05 am
[...] have been trying to contemplate this entry since I read it Thursday night: I’m so over homeschooling. But may I ask why you feel the need to take the overachiever angle? Don’t you think you might be [...]
10 Crimson Wife // Apr 26, 2008 at 11:39 am
Your post reminds me of all the whiners who complain when their favorite indie band gets a big hit and become mainstream.
Well *EXCUUUUSE* me and all the rest of us newbie homeschoolers for ruining your “cooler-than-thou” vibe. Guess you’ll just have to find something else to make you feel superior to the rest of us…
11 Kimzyn // Apr 26, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Thanks everyone for your feedback, almost all positive. Glad to have caused some thoughtful responses from my obvious tongue in cheek letter to Homeschooling, who doesn’t really exist as a person. Its been fun whining and laughing.
12 Shawna // Apr 26, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I absolutely loved it!
Now I need to go back over it and really ponder some of your amazing points.
One comment: I still do not know anyone personally whom homeschools and neither does anyone in my family, other than me… now; one close friend knows another mutual friend that began homeschooling at the same time that I did is… so I do think there are still plenty of us out there who really know little about it.
13 Mom Is Teaching » Blog Archive » There’s More Than Just Up And Down // Apr 28, 2008 at 8:05 am
[...] why I got such a kick out of Kim’s post about being “over homeschooling” But may I ask why you feel the need to take the overachiever angle? Don’t you think you [...]
14 Fairly Odd Mother // Apr 28, 2008 at 10:29 am
Fabulous post.
Clorox has ‘gone green’ with their Green Works line; someday perhaps the NEA will be offering homeschooling workshops for the masses.
15 Courtney // Apr 29, 2008 at 6:26 am
Oh, I loved this post & Fairly Odd Mother’s comment on the NEA offering homeschool workshops. Very creative and I totally get it, especially the over-achiever seeking.
16 kimmy // Apr 29, 2008 at 6:33 am
Ya know, when I saw your the title to this post I was like , “Noooo, don’t stop homeschooling, Kim.”
After realizing that wasn’t he case I nodded a lot. I am plain tuckered out with reading the same articles about HS’ing. Getting calls from the media with the same questions over and over and answering the , “Where do your kids go to school,” question.
I’m strained with working 20 hours a week and still not having enough money.
Thing is, I’m hooked on the life our family has woven together and it doesn’t include school.
I think it is healthy and wise to not put anything on a pedestal, including our beloved choice to educate our own.
Thanks Kim the Brave
17 suburbancorrespondent // Apr 29, 2008 at 8:23 am
I think we all feel this way from time to time, confronted by overachievers who feel the need to compete with “real” school, who feel the need to prove themselves. Education at home is supposed to be playing a different game than the hyper-competitive one played by institutionalized schooling, a game that emphasizes the individual child’s interests and potential and the relationships within the family. Sometimes I too wonder what has happened to us homeschoolers, when I cannot even find someone with enough time to make a playdate with my 5-year-old daughter. 5-year-olds should not be busy.
I could go on and on, but you know what I mean. There will always be people who hop on board a trend, without really understanding what the trend was all about in the first place. But there will always be the people who still do understand and live the dream; you just have to find them.
18 Kimzyn // Apr 29, 2008 at 9:10 am
I’ve been thinking some more about what the heck my point was with the post, and I think Kimmy kind of hit the nail on the head there. I was balking about putting homeschooling on a pedestal. Not about kids who achieve a lot, because those kids (hopefully) are just being their gifted selves. I also want to say that even though homeschooling has become much more popular in recent years, the happiest side effect in my opinion is the prevalence of homeschoolers. I don’t think people are homeschooling because it is trendy. It is just too big of a change in plans for that sort of impulsiveness. I think more people are learning about it and discovering it could work for them for whatever their reasons are. That would be a good article; the reasons people decide to homeshcool. Because I believe those fundamental differences in reasons make for different mindsets about homeschooling in general. Saying you are a homeschooler is about as revealing as saying you are an American. That doesn’t describe your values, religion, hobbies, family life, work scenario, locale, etc…
19 Jody // Apr 29, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I am still a realitivally new homeschooling mom. We have only been doing it for three years (four next year) but I do understand where you are coming from. Good post.
20 Maria // Apr 30, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I LOVED this post…esp the part about “green”…so true, so true…it’s hip to be square right now…when there is money and popularity in touting a minority view point then it’s good to go….
I get where you are coming from…and a LOT of food for thought…I’m saving this under “posts to ponder…”
Thanks!
21 Wendy // May 21, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I do think you hit on an interesting point with your comparison to the green movement… I don’t think most people make these kinds of changes because it’s trendy but because they see others doing it, which ultimately helps them to see that it’s, well… doable. Reasonably doable.
I’ve thought about homeschooling since I put my daughter in Kindergarten. But, I didn’t have the guts to do it till this year. My motivation came because I read blogs about it, people describing their everyday experiences and I thought, “I think I can do it.” Not that I wanted to be like them, but that they set a good example.
It’s the same as the green thing… seeing that there are everyday, reasonable things people can do, that encourages lots of people to give it a shot and try to help the environment. And that’s a good thing. In fact, it’s the best thing. Unless the old timer, tree huggers are doing it for the pat on the back, they should be thrilled at the change. (Except for the green Clorox; that’s crazy. I hate when things pretend to be green and people fall for it.)
Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.
22 Miles // Jul 8, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I’m sorry your relationship didn’t work out, but it seems rather self centered to suggest that Homeschooling should go on and have relationships with people who appreciate him/her/it.
And where the hell did you get the idea that Homeschooling is in charge of your relationship? Did you miss the whole point of a relationship with Homeschooling… namely that you get to define what education is and what your practice of Homeschooling is?
You accuse Homeschooling of having an educational agenda? Who has been in charge around your house anyway? You or “Homeschooling”?
I really am sorry that your relationship hasn’t worked out, but there is such a thing as a no fault divorce. You’re just not that into Homeschooling. Homeschooling, doesn’t mind. Homeschooling knows that homeschooling isn’t for everyone. Homeschooling wishes you well in your search for something else. Really and truly.
23 Miles // Jul 8, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I meant to say “it seems rather self centered to suggest that Homeschooling should NOT go on and have relationships with people who appreciate it”
24 Kimzyn // Jul 9, 2008 at 7:56 am
Ha ha! Thanks for the wake up call, Miles. Homeschooling and I only broke up for the day as it turns out. It was a little angry at me that I’d use it as a subject for satire but when it realized I’d only done it for the purpose of provoking healthy discourse among its many loved ones, it forgave me.
25 Paul // Jul 20, 2008 at 12:52 am
Dear
I love your article above (Dear Homeschooling)
I believe it warrants wider circulation.
May I have permission to print it in my website? I will give a proper reference with a link to your blog site.
Looking forward to hearing your reply
Paul aka Grandpapa from Homeschool Castle at http://www.homeschool-portal.com
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