Why should the lord of the country fly about like a fool?

If you let yourself be blown to and fro, you loose touch with your root.

If you let restlessness move you, you loose touch with who you are.

-Tao Te Ching

We had a conference of sorts. This time we tried top down planning. In the past I’ve used bottom up planning and it went like this: “Ooooh, an art class nearby. Hey, listen, there’s kid pilates. Look, so and so is offering a class on corn rowing!” And then my kids, from behind their respective books and video consoles went “Sure!” in a dreamy, far away voice.

Fast forward 3 weeks and I’d find myself at the kitchen counter stirring oatmeal with one hand while chopping up crockpot ingredients with the other. In between I’d be packing lunches and calling out to kids to feed pets and get dressed. Sometimes those kids just wanted to continue with their reading or writing or sleeping or conversations but we had signed up for stuff and paid for it and by golly we were going to attend for the next 16 weeks. Ugh.

Invariably…

we’d be late for the first thing, often setting a somewhat grumpy tone for the day and I’d often find myself returning home late or running back out right after dinner for another activity or to do errands I didn’t have time for, never having had one minute of the day to stretch, read or exercise. It may sound exaggerated but for the past couple of years that would be 2 or 3 days of our week and the other 2 would be only slightly less complex. I’ve taken some notes among friends and this seems to be how most parents work it nowadays, regardless of whether they educate their children traditionally or not.

At a party last week, 2 mom friends explained how they work, get 2 to 3 kids to several overlapping sports practices every day after school, multiples games once or twice a week and extracurricular activities like music and art while also having dinner and homework each night. It made my head hurt thinking it over and also knowing that I have spent a few years doing similar shuffling.

This year I spent the summer thinking instead of pouring over curriculum plans and schedules. Whenever I got a quiet moment I’d speak to the kids about what they hoped to accomplish, explore, learn, expand upon and increase and what wasn’t so important to them any more. We touched casually on long term plans, like high school and college options and how that might work after or during homeschooling.

In my family, even my extended family, we all have great enthusiasm for new projects and ideas but a history of little follow through when the going gets tougher, so we talked about that and how although we didn’t want to schedule things (causes burnout and schedule burning) we also didn’t want to wing everything because then we might never follow through on those great projects we all planned. So we cleared out 2 days a week where the outside activities are minimal and personal project time could occur. We talked about how being in the city gave us so many opportunities and we had tasted many of them and should continue as interests rise up, but also how we could prioritize things so that the most important things get taken care of first.

It all sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, I know. So let me give and example here. This has been preapproved by the daughter. I have paraphrased things for brevity. The actual transcripts are not available for download:

Previous discussions about possible career interests have turned up that Anoif is interested in homeschooling high school, maybe taking community college level classes in high school and then going to college to become a publisher/editor and writer. Whatever she does for a living, she has declared it must involve little children.

What do you want to do to develop your interests/goals this year?

Work on editing, writing and publishing zines and in magazines and online. Continue writing book. Explore ways to work with children, maybe volunteer.

What things did you do last year that you definitely wish to continue this year?
Girl scouts, book club, writing.

What things are you interested in exploring more deeply or trying out this year?

Swimming, fencing, hanging out with teens, understanding the Renaissance, working with little kids.

How could you do some of these new things?

Swim class, fencing class, make a teen club, independently study Renaissance with lots of hands on crafting, reading and investigating of resources.  Find an SCA to join? Do an end of year project on Renaissance so that work can be shared and also to keep interest high in continuing it. Volunteer at preschool or library or children’s place.

That was it. The rest was just getting on the computer and looking up places, making a few  phone calls, plugging in dates, coordinating Mail’s equally interesting list (which by the way involves masterminding his rise in the drama world through screen acting) and, here’s the kicker, making sure we don’t add too much more.

Did you hear that? You might be laughing and saying TOO MUCH?! That is already a boat load. Maybe a full time job’s worth. Maybe 2 nights a week out and some full days, but no frantic running from thing a to thing b. And it is all relative. For us, last year we were out 3 or 4 nights a week and driving to activities every day, usually back to back ones. We could never even have a spontaneous field trip day because things were so packed. I knew things were bad when I felt relieved that we got the stomach flu and could stay home for a day or two. That is when it occurred to me that we were not choosing what we loved and wanted to do, but instead we were letting events and activities sweep us along.

This year we are trying the top down method, chose what you love and want and then plan accordingly, with flexibility built in. That applies to all of us. I even get to work on my interests and Ken on his. I’ll let you know how it works, if we get swept along sometimes, which is also a part of life, and I’ll let you know if it feels any different.